I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
