I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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