I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I pour the whiskey from now on
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
