I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
