It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
