Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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