dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
