Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
