i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
