you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
