my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
