Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
