I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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