8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
