Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
