..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
