i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
