like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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