The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
