had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
we should paint friendship bongs
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