Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
