And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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