god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
