is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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