Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
