I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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