great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
