i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
