My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
