Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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