where am i from again
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
