glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
