A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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