At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
