Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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