There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
