You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
