Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
