I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
tell me about the eggs
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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