Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
All the doctor said was why
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
