so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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