Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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