I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
