I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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