I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
