That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
