my phone needs a breathalizer
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
