thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we're so committed to being not committed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
