OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
