He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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