I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
