this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
